Beauty.... and the BEAST that comes with trying to attain it.

"Charm is decceptive and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30



As I am getting ready to check into the hotel on Thursday for the week festivities leading up to my national pageant, and it is supposed to be the most exciting time of my life... the moment any girl would be waiting for and anticipating almost as much as her wedding day or some other important life event, something just doesn't feel right in my spirit.

After becoming Miss Nevada and leaving behind my teaching career, the past 6 months has been a big blur.  Modeling, photo shoots, castings, community events, appearances as Miss Nevada, launching my own kids organization, speaking to kids/youth at different organizations, working at the salon, and laundry... forget about it!



I had a little melt down on Sunday and told a dear friend, "I'm just not prepared for this pageant. I am 5 pounds more than I should be. I am so mad at myself. I could've done better." I vented to her for a good hour. I have not had the time for personal training sessions like I did for my last pageant. I have also not resorted to starving myself to lose 5 pounds in a week. I told my friend everything. I got it all out.... My fears of competing in a pageant as I truly am versus someone I am not. I always talk about being "real" so here is my chance to put all of my true self out there as I really am, right?



It was then that I realized what really matters as a woman. My heart. What is God doing in my heart through all of this? What is He showing me? Well, He is showing me what is truly important in this life. That I know Him. Not just know about Him, but truly know Him.

My delight is in Him. I truly enjoy time with my Papa. When I spend time with Him, I am fulfilled, I am living for a purpose, I receive strength, I have hope for my life and I just truly enjoy being in His presence. He makes me a better person.

Beauty is for a time. It is temporary. It is not fulfilling. And it is not supposed to be. It is only supposed to make you FEEL like you can attain it, yet you never will. You will never look how you want to look. There will always be one more new invention that will have you one step closer to believing, this is what we need to be "complete" or "beautiful".

I have realized now more than ever that beauty is just another facade in the desert calling my name..... "Jessica, being beautiful will fulfill you".

 Ha. All I can do is laugh. Ya fricken right. Beauty isn't even a fun thing to try and attain. It was for a minute because I love being a girly girl, but once it becomes a job, or a reason you can lose your job, it is not fun anymore. And being only 5'4... I couldn't grow taller no matter how hard I tried! It was an endless fight to look tall and lean when I was short.

We've all heard it before. Beauty is on the inside. But if we could have it our way, would we want it to be that way... or would we only go after the outside beauty if we thought we could attain it? I wouldn't suppose it would be a bad thing if we could actually attain "it". But the "it" we are trying to attain isn't humanly possible. And it isn't human. Last time I checked, humans were human. Imperfect bodies, flaws and all. Yet, beautiful hearts that have the potential to change the world with the way they love and embrace themselves because the world needs more people to feel beautiful and know their worth has nothing to do with their outward appearance. (I'm not saying being healthy and looking nice is bad.) Women are working harder than ever these days and looking better than ever too! We all as women need to take a stand against the lie that if we only do this or that, we will be close to being the "beautiful" woman we want to be. WE ALREADY ARE THAT WOMAN TO GOD. It's not our fault if the world doesn't see us that way already, but we can help by not giving into the lie. Choose today to feel beautiful. Feel amazing. Because you are. God doesn't make any ugly daughters. All of His girls are flawless. You may not feel important to the world or to a guy, but you are important to Him!!! He thinks about you all the time!! You are not last on his list! You are first!!! You are fearfully and wonderfully made!!




I have been honored to wear a crown this year and well, I've gotten to do MANY things this year that many girls only get to think about doing. I saw things I normally wouldn't be able to. I met people and celebrities and went places I never thought I would have the privilege to. A very eye-opening year so far.
 

If I win Miss United States 2011, I plan to expand my kids org. and speak to many more students and bring hope to a lost world, share my story of what that hope did in my own life, and tell them who my hope is... Jesus. 

And if I don't win, I will take the good of this year....I spoke into many children's lives. I started my own children's organization. And ultimately, I realized what true beauty is. It cannot be seen outwardly. Nor can it fulfill any desire of my heart.

Being in God's will is the always the BEST place to be. I pray that whether it's here as Miss United States, working a normal job here in Nevada or serving in some orphanage in Asia, Jesus would always be my purpose. That I would know Him more.




THANK YOU to everyone who has believed in me and God's plan for me in all of this.  =)

Mom, my biggest fan. Thank you for loving me even when I am a mess. I love you. Thank you Jenna for being the best sister a girl could ask for. You are flawless. God has taught me so much through you baby. Shawnee, for all of your inspiring talks and pointing me to Him always. Love you Shanksters, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met.




See you all after the pageant!!!!!!!!!!!!!


xo,
Jess